No Doc at Work Life

It is only Wednesday and I totally feel like I need a manicure, a pedicure, and a long massage!  Doc is not in the office this week because it is his usual week in the summer to close for vacation.  Well, since money is a little tight on my end and there are so many things that need to be done I have chosen to stay and work everyday answering the phones and doing some much needed cleaning and reorganizing.

Monday was "clean out the storage room" day.  Our storage room houses every patient chart and all the x-rays, cleaning supplies, decorations, misc. equipment, and old junk.  My mission: get rid of all junk and condense all patient charts and x-rays so that at the end of this year we have room to move everything back like normal.  It took me and our cleaning lady from about 9:30-3:30 but we got it all done and I'm very impressed with how much free space we have back there now.  We soooo needed it. 

Tuesday was "hauling everything moved out of the storage room to its appropriate places and setting up a new therapy room that has a hydrotherapy bed in it" day.  This took us from about 8:30-3:00 and by the end of this day my back and neck were seriously sore.  It was a lot of moving and what we were moving was a little too heavy for us.  Needless to say I was laid up on the couch watching movies with my son by 5:00 and didn't move until bedtime at 8:30.

Today was "re-potting every single plant in the office" day.  My least favorite of the week so far because it took me and my secretary ALL DAY to re-pot 11 plants/trees!  It was a scalding 95 degrees outside with no clouds and no wind and we did every bit of it out the back door on black asphalt.  By the time we finished with the last one and began to clean our mess up we looked at each other and we both had sweat running down our faces and potting soil smeared everywhere.  I'm also pretty sure that we smelled like something that crawled out of a swamp but no one else was there to confirm that.  Now, showered and relaxing at home, I'm so exhausted that I'm going to have to bribe myself just to get up and fix dinner.  :(  Something about that heat just wipes a person out. 

Overall, the week is turning out to be a majorly productive one at work and I can't wait until Doc gets back into town and can see the huge difference we've made in things at the office! 

These are two of the plants that we re-potted and I took pieces off and brought them home with me.  They are so pretty in my living room!

Lil Man eating his afternoon snack while watching Max and Ruby.  (He looks so grown up sitting on that little couch.)

   

Money Making Life

Another week has come and gone.  I feel a little exhausted but happy about life at the present moment.  With the major summer events in the past I can turn my focus to making money and trying to get myself out of the small amount of debt I’m in.  In order to do this I have went back to the restaurant I used to serve at and asked if they needed help part-time on the weekends.  Come to find out, they did, and so I am back to serving on Friday and Saturday nights and a few Sundays a month to supplement my income.  My goal is to not use this money at all and put everything made from the restaurant into my savings account.  Moving all but depleted everything I had managed to save since my divorce so I’m anxious to get that back up where I have a little cushion.  It makes me feel a little foolish but at 25 years old I don’t have hardly anything.  I don’t mean material possessions.  I have plenty of things and clutter, but I don’t own a place to live and I don’t have anything saved to eventually own a place to live.  The only reason I own my vehicle free and clear is because I got it out of an insurance settlement.(I’m thankful, and do not plan to get rid of it until I absolutely have to!) 

I have witnessed too many people in my life who don’t think they really have to start worrying and being smart with their money until they are way older and then before they know it “way older” was their last birthday and they still don’t have anything to show for their hard work and the money they’ve made in their young adult lives.  If we don’t start saving or putting something back until we are 35+ then we’re going to have to work that much longer after the age of retirement to make up for it.  Pheeew… this is exhausting and a little stressful to think about, but now that I’m on my own and I don’t have another person working to provide for my household I feel an enormous weight on my shoulders to do this the right way and not ever allow myself to get behind or way under in debt.  BUT… there’s a catch to this idea and that is….. How do you save money if you barely make enough to pay your bills? 

I have a very hard time paying every bill I have and keeping groceries stocked in my cabinets.  The only thing I can think of is to work a second job on the weekends and hope that it’s worth my time.  Not the ideal situation but it won’t be forever. (I hope) 

I’ve also been giving a lot of thought to going back to school to start my masters.  I know that it’s something I definitely want to do, but it may have to be placed on the back burner for awhile until the financial status is a little better. 

Have a great weekend everyone!      

Parenting Life

In the beginning of my blog, as I was introducing myself, I told all of you that I have a 3 year old son. Well, that may have been a little wrong… let me rephrase so I can fully enlighten everyone to my situation with my Lil Man. I have a 17 year old trapped in the body of a 3 year old! And this seriously independent, strong willed, arrogant little person is the light of my life and my most favorite person, BUT even as I love him unconditionally, he makes me the maddest.

I was a full-time student when I found out I was pregnant. It was the July right before I started the teaching program. Once I started the program in August it would still be two years before I graduated. Surprise! This was not necessarily my plans, but considering my husband already had 3 children from his first marriage I felt that I was pretty close to being ready for the motherly part, and all the other things would just come naturally. I was excited. Well, he was born the following March and I spent the first 8 weeks of his life finishing my first year of the teaching program. My mother drove over to my house every morning to spend the day with him and I went to school. This was no easy task. I chose to breastfeed my baby so my lunch breaks consisted of sitting in the ladies room or in my car and pumping while I tried to eat my lunch. My breast feeding days only lasted until he was three months old and then I gave it up out of exhaustion.

After those first 8 weeks, I turned into a stay-at-home mom. I decided to take the next year off from school so that I could stay at home with him and be the kind of mother that I thought was best. Yes, I was apprehensive about taking the time off. Yes, I had fears that I would never finish, but I was determined to keep my baby in our home for his first year as opposed to sending him to a daycare for that time. My mother had left town to travel with my father and so, I was without the extra help.  At first everything was great.  I stayed busy and productive.  It was tiring, but I managed to stay relatively on top of the household, the new baby, my husband, and his three other children when they were with us.  Somewhere throughout that first year, or maybe it was slowly happening even from the beginning and I just didn't realize it, my son developed a sixth sense.  This sixth sense started coming out about the time he was supposed to be moved into his own bed in the nursery and out of the bassinet in my room.  This sixth sense gave him the ability to interpret when Mommy was finally falling asleep and like clockwork he would wake up.  The only solution to this back and forth game of Mommy putting the baby down to sleep and the minute she falls asleep the baby waking up was for Mommy to put the baby in bed with her and fall asleep that way.  Pause.... I know what you all are thinking... this poor woman has made the ultimate mistake number one and allowed her baby to sleep in bed with her and her husband.  Shame shame shame.  Well, let me explain my side.

I tried like hell for weeks and weeks and weeks to fight him into his own bed, or sneak him to his bed once he was asleep.  My ex husband can completely attest to the madness that was our nightly routine for several months.  And please remember we are talking about a 5-6 month baby right now.  At that age he had somehow mastered how to get his little way and that was to have Mommy or Daddy holding him while he slept.  Let us fast forward two and a half years.  To this day... I go to my son's bed and read him a few books and then have to lay there while he holds my arm so he will fall asleep.  If I refuse and put my foot down I'm in for the most miserable night anyone could ever imagine.  I have tried everything I know, spanking him, ignoring him, trying to reason with him about how this is what big boys do, and nothing has worked.  He ends up screaming and crying to the point of vomiting every single time.  I cannot count on my hands how many nights I have cleaned up puke that is all over him and his bed and his carpet because I've forced him to lay in his bed alone and he cries until making himself sick.  

What worries me more is that something emotionally traumatic is wrong with him.  I can deal with having a spoiled, stubborn child with an incredible will, but I can't live with thinking and feeling like there's something wrong with him or me.  I wish I had some miracle fix and we could all go on happily, but I don't.  And this isn't even all I deal with.  The temper tantrums happen at least once a day because of something.  It's usually because I have to leave him at school in the mornings and go to work.  Literally, his teacher physically holds him so I can walk out the door otherwise he chases after me.  I have been assured numerous times that his crying and screaming stops within a matter of seconds after I am gone and he plays normally with all the other children in his class all day long.  This tells me that the tantrum is solely for me. 

I know for a fact that someone out there in blogging world is sitting in front of their computer right now reading this and they are saying... "Oooh, it's just a phase.  Your son will out grow this extreme possessiveness of you and eventually move on to being a little more content."  I don't believe you!  This is what I was told when he was a year old and refused to stay with anyone but me or my ex husband (and yes that included his grandparents, his aunts and uncles, or really good friends of ours).  At a year old the temper tantrums came out seriously bad when me or my ex husband needed a babysitter.  How crazy is that!  I was also told this when he started school.  That was a year and a half ago.  He has been in the same school around the same people five days a week since then and still screams the same way every morning! 

Hardly anyone has commented on this blog since its creation, so I don't expect a whole lot of feedback now... but just remember this is my Lil Man we're talking about here.  I can rant and rave all day long because he's mine, but when other people do it, it's somehow offensive.  But I do love and accept constructive criticism!  Feel free to post all of that you want.  Thanks!

How do I love you?  Let me count the ways.

I love you on your very best and very worst of days.

I love to see you laughing and dancing in the rain.

And even when you lose your shoes, I love you just the same.

I love to hear you singing.

I love to see you smile.

I love the way you take each day in your own unhurried style.

I'm happy when you're happy.

And I'm sorry when you're sad.

And even though it may not show, I love you when you're bad.

How do I love you?  Well, now, let me see.

I love the way you act so brave when you fall and hurt your knee.

I love to watch you sleeping, tucked away in pleasant dreams.

I love to hear you whisper all your giant plans and schemes.

I love the way you wear your pants with the front part in the back,

And the way you walk around sometimes with your head inside a sack.

I love to see you deep in thought.

I love to watch you play.

And though I'm sure you'll never know, I love you more each day.
How do I love you?  It's impossible to say.

For if I had a million days and time enough for all the praise,

I couldn't tell you all the ways I love you.

~P.K. Hallinan~

Weekend Wedding Life

After one of the longest weekends ever… I am home and back to work.  I am a little exhausted and sore(from moving so many chairs and tables around), but it all comes with sweet memories that I’m so thankful to have.  So, let’s start at the beginning!

Thursday – We drove up to my best friend’s parents’ cabin to have her lingerie/bachelorette party.  This cabin is in a fairly new subdivision that sits right on the river and this is also where the wedding is going to be.  They have a community gazebo that sits around a huge swimming pool with an island out in the middle.  My best friend chose this as her venue for two reasons, #1 – it’s beautiful and #2 – it’s free if you own property in the subdivision!  How lucky is she?! J  When I left work on Thursday afternoon I went home to load my car with three days worth of clothes and necessities because I will not be returning home until the early hours of the morning on Sunday. 

My wonderful baking skills!!

The party was great!  All of her friends showed up and we had an absolute blast watching her open all the embarrassing gifts.  By the end of the night only 4 of the 15 girls had a designated driver to come and pick them up so 11 girls piled up and slept in a two bedroom/two bathroom cabin that only has one bed in it!  I wish I would have taken more pictures, but I was a little too tipsy to be thinking of that.

She's a teacher and this is a ruler for "naughty boys".  :-)

This one embarassed her.

She can't seem to figure this present out.

The night is just getting started.

Supposedly beer pong is an extremely fun game.  I don't know if we were ever playing it right, but it was fun.

The bride-to-be has already switched to water in this pic because she started drinking the earliest, lol.

Friday – This day started out with all of us guzzling coffee while we cleaned up the cabin from the night before.  The rental company was planning to be there by noon to deliver all the linens, tables, chairs, and decorative vases, so we had to hurry.  We spent the rest of the day outside in the blistering heat cleaning and setting up 120 chairs and 15 round tables!  Not my idea of a relaxing day by the pool but it had to be done.  We needed everything to be somewhat set up because rehearsal was scheduled to begin at 6:00 and what’s the point in practicing if you’re not going to do it the real way with everything already in its place?!  This was our mission and we would not have succeeded if it weren’t for my best friend's step-father.  This man is a saint!!  He worked just as hard as we did in 95 degree heat until everything was done.  He loves her so much and definitely showed that by standing by and helping until the end. 

The rehearsal dinner was delicious.  Provided to us by Mack's Fish and Steakhouse.  I ate cajun chicken alfredo pasta and carrot cheesecake for dessert. (By the way, it was the most delicious cheesecake I have ever eaten in my life!)  Afterwards it was time to say goodnight to all the family and, of course, to the groom.  This did not go as well as we thought.  I think all the stress of the past days and weeks had finally caught up to the bride because she had a little breakdown.  A few tears were shed and a little frustration was released and for a minute I was a little worried about the next day approaching, but we took our minds off of everything with a few beers and a good movie and then tried to sleep. 

Saturday morning came entirely too soon and once again we spent all day outside in 95 degree heat to set out all the linens and vases filled with flowers and water.  It was such a time consuming task because there were only four of us, just like the day before.  The bride, her two bridesmaids, and her step-father set up this entire ceremony and reception.  About 2:00 came and our clothes were already so wet from sweat that we figured jumping in the pool to cool off wouldn't make that much difference so, fully clothed, we all enjoyed about 30 minutes in the pool before heading back up to the cabin to get ready. 

The ceremony wasn't supposed to start until 7:00 so we had plenty of time to shower and get beautiful before it was time.  By now the bride was as cool as a cucumber and totally excited about getting married.  I, on the other hand, was getting a little anxious.  I still had several things to tend to before we could drive down to the river to get ready to walk in and I was definitely feeling the pressure while I was getting ready.  Once again... I am so thankful for her step-father because if it weren't for him I would have never gotten around to make sure everything was finalized before we walked. 

At approximately 7:30 my best friend and her fiance became husband and wife.

My beautiful sister and me.

To bring this wonderful, work filled weekend to an end, my sister and I arrived back at my apartment around midnight on Saturday only to snooze for about three hours because I was the one asked to drive my best friend and her new husband to the airport for their flight to honeymoon in Cancun.  Their flight left Little Rock Airport at 5:45 am on Sunday morning!!!  We live about an hour from the airport so we had to pick them up and hit the road around 3:30 am.  This was not a whole lot of fun, but I love them and wanted to make this whole experience as easy for them as I possibly could.  Needless to say I was in bed very early last night because of the lack of sleep!

Sweet memories to be cherished forever.

Maid of Honor Life

I was up until 11:45 last night baking cupcakes and cookies in the shape of penis’ all because I am the maid of honor and I love my best friend and want her to have a fun, hilarious bachelorette party.  That is definitely true friendship loyalty right there. 

This is my first time as a maid of honor and I do have to say that I’ve enjoyed the experience thoroughly but am ready to be released of my “duties”. J  My best friend is a great girl and has been so incredibly laid back and mellow about this whole ordeal, but it’s only natural for the mellowest of girls to get emotional and stressed at times like these.  Well…. It hit just this week for my bride, so if you read yesterday’s post you probably felt a little of my stress and anxiety radiating out of my words.  Today is only  a little better because I know I will be consuming a large amount of alcohol tonight and that’s already got me calming down! 

Have a great weekend all, and I will return in a few days with great pictures and lots of good stuff to talk about!

~Congratulations to Kyle and Andrea~

Overwhelmed Life

Today I feel very overwhelmed.  I was awake from 1:09 this morning until a little after 3:30. L I could not get my mind to shut back down after waking up that first time to my Lil Man trying to crawl into my bed.  After getting him back to sleep and sneaking back to my room my mind was like a mini Ferris Wheel.  Every time a buggy came to be emptied at the bottom it was something else that I need to do before this weekend gets here.  That’s a crazy way to describe it, but I’m a visually imaginative person and it helps me to describe things by painting the picture for you.  So, needless to say, I awoke this morning with a long mental “to do” list in my head and it has overwhelmed me.  I have wrote it all down and am trying to plan out the best possible strategy so that I can complete everything without being late or forgetting something, but somehow I’m doubting that it’s all going to be that easy. 

On a different note, I am going to attempt to post some pictures of this weekend on my blog because it is going to be so beautiful and so much fun and I want to share some of it with the world of blogging.  Almost every blog I have read and started following has pictures to go along with the writing.  I have been doing nothing but writing so far… I think it’s time to change it up a little. 

One of the gifts that I am going to give my best friend when the wedding is over is a journal that I have been carrying around with me for the past six weeks.  I had this journal at her wedding shower and have taken it around to her family and friends (and even some people that don’t even know her) and had them write a piece of advice to the bride and groom.  I have even gotten online and looked up famous quotes and bits of wisdom on marriage and filled in some of the blank pages with it.  I hope to have it all filled so it’s a book on how to build a good marriage that they can keep forever from the people that love them the most.  It has turned out to be one of the best ideas I’ve had during the whole wedding planning!  I almost want to make a copy of it and keep it for myself so I can go back and reread it when the time comes for me to marry again. (If THAT ever happens!)  

Decision Making Life

One of the things I truly despise about being an adult is the weight on my shoulders of making decisions.  How stupid I may sound but it's totally true!  I don't have a problem in the world making decisions like where my son is going to school, what I'm going to spend my money on, how to decorate my new apartment, how much money I save every week, what I'm going to get accomplished on Tuesdays and then what gets put off until Thursdays (my two free days at work where we don't see any patients).  None of this bothers me... I welcome these sort of decisions, but when it comes to decisions that have long-term effects or consequences.... I've been having major issues. 

I've always been a super independent type of person.  Got my first job at 15 and was making a car payment and half-way supporting myself by 16.  But now that I am a single parent, it doesn't seem to be coming as easily.  For example: making the decision to move into this apartment.  I was living (for free) in my parents' vacant house because they work out of state and it took me 8 months to find a place to live!  Making the decision was so overwhelming I couldn't get it done in my mind.  Example #2: my job.... I'm being faced with the decision to stay with the doctor for another year, with only a small raise, or quit him altogether based on the HOPE that I find a teaching job (because that's what my degree is in) by August.  OMG, I was supposed to have this decision made about 13 days ago and thankfully the doc hasn't pressured me for my response because I seriously don't know what I want to do.  Teaching is what I ultimatelythought I wanted to do because it's the career field I chose, but staying with him another year would be sooo easy.  No changes would occur.  It's not as much money as teaching is but I can survive on it.  Everyday I keep thinking that I'll wake up and the answer will just appear inside my head and I'll feel good about it, but so far.... nothing. 

My problem is so classic I totally know what it is!  I'm simply scared of making the wrong choice and then being stuck in it for a length of time with no way out..... this is exactly what my marriage was.  A wrong decision on my part that I was stuck in and miserable because of it.  I haven't been happy in a long time and now that I feel close to happiness the fear of losing it has sure enough reared it's ugly face in my situation. 

Talking it all out, even to the unknown world of bloggers, has helped a little.  I also know that once me and the doc sit down and start talking I'll be able to use his reactions and responses to help give me a better idea of whether I'll be able to live up to his expectations and be happy doing so.  Wish me luck everyone!!!

Alone Life

Two whole days completely alone and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself.  All our laundry is done... both bathrooms are spotlessly clean... we are officially unpacked and as organized as we can be until more furniture is bought... a full week's worth of groceries is stored in our cabinets... I have nothing else to do to really be productive.  I've gotten so much accomplished in my alone time this weekend but it's been lonely at the same time.  I miss my Lil Man. 

I can still remember a year ago, which was the last summer in my marriage, and I was so miserable.  I was literally aching inside to simply be alone.  To be away from the man I was married to and the drama that came with him.  I wanted to run and never look back.  Even now I don't regret making the decision to finally leave, but it is lonelier than I anticipated it would be.  My Lil Man keeps me so busy and occupied during the week that the new adjustments in my life don't have the opportunity to sneak up on me and overwhelm... but on the weekends where I don't have much going on and I end up staying at home alone to be productive, it hits me.  Today was one of those days. 

On a happier note, my best friend's wedding is this upcoming weekend as well as Father's Day.  My mother, father, sister, and grandmother will all be coming into town and we will be spending all day Sunday together.  This is something to look forward to!  My family is so very close that it has really been hard on all of us since my parents and grandmother went to work out of state.  My younger sister, the only real sibling I have and the other half of myself, lives in a city about two hours away from me.  This is not too terribly bad.  Since I have more free time on the weekends, I drive to stay with her A LOT so we never go more than two or three weeks without seeing each other.  This weekend will be the first time seeing our parents and our grandmother since Easter.  And the only reason we're getting to spend this weekend together is because my parents are in Louisiana.  It's within a days drive.  When they are way up north or out west on a job we might go three or four months before someone flys home for a long weekend.  This is not my ideal situation for my family but it cannot be helped right now while work is so good for them.  They must go where the jobs are. 

I already fear that the week will begin a little slowly since I have a lot to look forward to this next weekend but hopefully it will be a good, slow week!

Lazy Life

Well, my Saturday has turned into a very lazy day for me.  After getting my highlights touched up this morning and then doing a little shopping to get ready for bachelorette party this week I am now back at home and don't want to do anything except watch movies and read and relax.  I don't get days like this very often so when they come around I feel the need to take full advantage. 

I'm going to make a quick run down to the movie store and pick up a few good ones to get me through the night.  It definitely looks like it's just going to be me, me, and me so I certainly don't have to worry about what anyone else is in the mood to see... just need to decide what I'm in the mood to see!

Weekend Life

TGIF!!!!!!  I love Friday afternoons because the countdown to my first free night is underway.  It’s such a fun feeling that helps the end of the work day go by faster.  On the agenda tonight is Fugi Steakhouse takeout (the best in town), wine, and a movie over at a friend’s house.  It’s just us girls because everyone’s husband or boyfriend or fiancé are all at a car race that’s this weekend… Men and their toys. J

So, Friday night will be relaxing and enjoyable and then Saturday morning it’s off to the salon to get highlights redone because the wedding is in one week.  My roots are in serious need of some attention.  As well as the split ends I’ve been sporting around for the last month waiting on the wedding to get closer so I could have everything looking good and freshly done for my best friend’s big day.  Afterward, we will be driving all the way to Little Rock (where the closest malls are) and spending the rest of the day shopping for the last few things needed for the wedding.  My best friend is so awesome… she has single handedly planned her entire wedding pretty much by herself.  Me and her mother have helped with everything she needed us to but the whole thing has been taken care of by the bride herself.  And the scary thing is… she’s not stressed out at all or anxious or anything.  She’s a mutant bride-to-be, a new species that has incredible abilities. 

Everyone enjoy your Friday evening in your part of the world!

Thursday Life

Today has been a day.  I feel as though I need to take a deep breath, let it out, and then drink two glasses of wine.  Work was boring and looooong.  I literally had to bribe myself into staying at my desk for six hours and then, as if I had been physically tied to the chair, I ran to my car shouting a hurried goodbye behind me to our cleaning lady and flew out of the parking lot.  Pheeeewwww!

At home now, I am watching my son play in the floor with his trains while we wait on Daddy to come pick him up for a long weekend out of town.  He's very excited.  Once he's gone I will have to drive with my best friend to go pick up all the vases that will decorate the table tops at the reception.  This won't be so bad, but I'm feeling a little lazy tonight and seriously just want to curl up with that wine and my new book.  But duty calls! 

The more I investigate this world of blogging the more I'm liking it.  I love reading what so many different kinds of people find interesting.  It's so refreshing from the narrow perspective that I feel like my life is.  As a young person I always considered myself to have a broad perspective on life and all that it has, but the older I am getting.... the smaller and more minuscule I am feeling.  Maybe it's because I have more of a mental grasp on what life really is all about now... who knows.  Maybe it's because we ARE really small and minuscule in the great scheme of things... who knows.  But being somewhat connected to the entire world through blogging, or the Internet in general, is great in my opinion.  I enjoy it and the more I see the more I love.   

Single Life

Only being divorced for 6 months doesn’t make me an expert on single life… especially because I was married at 19, barely old enough to have experienced single life before the fact… but I do have some very strong opinions about this lifestyle and how hard it is.  I guess all these thoughts have really consumed me here lately because I haven’t been casually dating.  I did when I was newly divorced because I had a little more freedom and it was simply something to do to keep my mind occupied on something other than stress.  Now I’m somewhat bored in my freedom and am actually finding myself getting lonely and wishing I had just a friend of the opposite sex to go out to dinner and a movie with!  I have plenty of girlfriends to go and do these things with, but… let’s face it… there is something about that male attention and company that even your best girlfriends cannot make up for it.  I’m not even looking for a long term relationship right now, I’m not even sure if I believe a long term relationship is possible for my life, but I have noticed a new feeling lately of loneliness that I wish I could shake with a night out with the girls. 

Single life in the new apartment is all I had hoped for plus some!  For the first time in my adult life I have my own space and my own place in which to do with what I please.  This may sound selfish coming directly after a paragraph about being lonely, don’t misunderstand me, but I married into a ready-made family where children from a previous marriage were in the middle and going from my single, first year in college to being a step-mom forced me to completely conform to a life that I didn’t get to decorate or organize.  It’s so silly but one of my biggest complaints to my ex-husband was the fact that I didn’t get to be a part in picking out any of the furniture in our house.  His house, his things, his children were all there waiting on me and I just melted myself and my life into theirs.  Of course I chose this based on the fact that all-consuming love would be enough to get  me through, unfortunately, after 6 years together,  my young, naive heart  couldn’t make it.  There was no all-consuming love anymore.  Everything I felt was gone and it had left me long before I physically chose to leave.  I didn’t want anyone to live in misery anymore, so I left.  We have both remained extremely close since and I think we always will.  My apartment is great!!!!! 

Now, all this being said… I am in the right place in my life right now.  I know the decisions I have made were not the best, but I am making them work the best that I can now.  Being single is very difficult, especially when you are a single parent.  I just have to keep telling myself all these things in order to be content where I am and love my son every day the way he needs me to. 

Moving Life

For the past 4 days I have been moving me and my Lil Man to our new apartment.  I am so sore it is unreal.  This apartment is an upstairs unit, so all of our furniture and all of our belongings had  to be hauled up a flight of stairs.  Thank you for good friends and family who are there to lend a hand.  I would've never been able to do it by myself. 

I am very very excited about our new home.  This is the first time I've had an apartment of my own since my divorce.  It's great to be able to decorate the way I want, organize the way I want, and live the way I want.  It's a little bit of an adjustment but a good one.  It is located right in the middle of town so the amount of gas that I use every week is seriously going to decrease.  I am very glad for this... gas in my area is fluctuating between $3.65 and $3.90 a gallon.  On my income this is a huge expense every week for me.  I'm sure there are places that it is much more expensive out there so I should be thankful it never topped $4.00 but I hate having to budget my gas.  I only want to have to budget my bills... my debt, but this is life for now. 

On a completely different note, my best friend's wedding is in 13 days!!! We are all getting very excited but a little anxious.  It still seems there is so much to do in order to get ready and our time is ticking away.  I'm trying to have the best possible outlook on the situation as best I can, but unfortunately as a person who has experienced marriage and then divorce... my perspective is a little jaded.  I really don't mean to be, but it just is.  And don't get me wrong, if I had to pick two people that I know that I think will one day celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.... it would be my best friend and her fiance!  They really will be the couple who makes it until "death do us part".  I have no doubt in this, but it's still hard to be completely into the wonderful celebration when so much of the traditions seem fake and meaningless to me.  As the maid of honor I have several very important jobs to fulfill and I fully intend to do the best that I can to ensure their special day is exactly what they deserve. 

I hope everyone's weekend has been a great one and hopefully Monday will be great too!