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Friday, July 29, 2011

Magazine Reading Life

My office has all sorts of magazine subscriptions to numerous different magazines and when the box gets full I must go through them and get rid of the old ones.  I was flipping through an old Readers Digest when I came across a small article called Phrase of the Month.  "Serenity Parenting" it reads:

"Once I became a dad of twins, I noticed that parents around me had a different take on the power of nurture," writes Bryan Caplan in the Wall Street Journal.  "I saw them turning parenthood into a chore, shuttling their kids to activities even the kids didn't enjoy, forbidding television, desperately trying to make their babies eat another spoonful of vegetables.  Parents' main rationale is that they're sacrificing now to turn their kids into healthy, smart, successful, well-adjusted adults.  But according to decades of research, their rationale is wrong.  Parents should lighten up.  I call it 'serenity parenting'.  Focus on enjoying the journey with your child instead of trying to control his destination.  Accept that your child's future depends mostly on him.  Realize that the point of discipline is to make your kid treat people around him decently--not to mold him into a better adult."
-Bryan Caplan is the author of Selfish Reasons to Have More Kids (Basic Books)-

I honestly couldn't agree with this more and am going to strive extra hard to apply this perspective to my life and the relationship I have with my son.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Funny Things in Life

Reflecting on the past week, I definitely have to say that I was successful in saying goodbye to Melancholy.  It was a tearful separation, but gone she is... for the time being.

Work was good this week.  I got completely caught up and even took off early on Friday to attend a dinner party in Little Rock with a friend.  Today will be spent cleaning and doing laundry and then working at the restaurant from 5:30 to close.  The second job definitely sucks sometimes, but the extra money is always a good thing. 

Here are some funny/sweet/good moments throughout my week that I want to share.

Who brings their pet iguana to their chiropractic appointment?  Oh wait... this man does!  Monday morning about 9:30 our day is just starting to roll smooth and all our first patients have left when this guy comes strolling in to bring his son for an adjustment.  It was very funny at first because I really didn't understand why they brought their pet iguana with them, but the more I talked with them and asked questions I came to the understanding that this little green guy is seriously just like their last child!  They love this iguana and he loves them!  He was perfectly content to sit on his owner's belly while people came out and touched him.  His name is Licky Licky. 

I'm more for a fuzzy, furry, sweet looking pet than one that resembles a miniature alligator, but I will admit he is a little cute and was soft to touch on his sides and belly.  Can we say spinal subluxation! :) 

Me listening to my music while I'm plugging away at my computer at work on Tuesday.  I had told my sister earlier that she should "get a load" of my hairdo for the day, so I just decided she needed a picture to really absorb the hilarity behind it.  After sending her this picture she wrote back that it was adorable and I should wear it like that more often when I'm dressed super casual!  FYI, we do not see patients on Tuesdays or Thursdays so I am at the office just doing all the paperwork.  I don't see or talk to anyone all day so I can dress how I want and how I'm the most comfortable. 

My son at the end of a very exhausting evening playing with his new best friend.  One of my neighbors is an old friend of mine and she has a 5 year old little boy, so we decided to hang out so the boys could have a play mate.  He's watching cartoons while I get everything ready for bed and his eyes are barely open.   

The next morning.... I cannot get him awake.  Every time I rub his back and start trying to wake him up he sticks his head further under the pillow. 

Me and my sister at Fuji Steakhouse eating dinner with our Dad.  Every time we are together we always take snapshots like this and then set them as the lock screen saver on our phones.  I don't know why, but I love it!  We are so incredibly close that I love having the memories that we make reserved in these funny, candid pictures.  Also, the older we get the more we seem to favor! 

My African Violet bloomed it's first flower this week.  I just smiled when I noticed it!

This picture is my new home screen saver on my phone.  It's so beautiful and really looks good with all my apps on top of it!

This is me attempting to take a decent picture of my dress for the dinner party on Friday night so I can send it to my sister.

I haven't hung a full-length mirror up in my apartment yet so this was pretty much an impossible feat, but at least she got the general idea.

And if I may point out.... the dress was really pretty.  I fell in love with it immediately.  It was perfect for an evening cruise on the Arkansas Queen Riverboat with the entire Republican Party of Arkansas (ha ha ha).  I'm not into politics at all but my good friend is and I went with him as a favor. 

Wow!  Those are some great shoes!  They cost way more than the dress, but hey.... a girl has got to have awesome shoes!

We were a little blinded by the flash so it's not the greatest picture in the world, but we had a great time! 
We were featured on Arkansas' Republican Party Facebook page!  

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Reacquainted Life

Wow... what a week and what a weekend!  I'm sad to say that tomorrow morning is Monday and work must resume, but I'm seriously needing to dive head first into something to occupy my mind and the only thing that seems to be over 8 ft. deep, and safe for diving, is work. 

Unfortunately, an old friend by the name of Melancholy has gotten back in touch over the last two weeks and it's been really hard to shake this time.  I spent so many years with this friend and all the feelings and thoughts that she brings with her.  At first sight of her I'm taken back in time and spend a couple days dwelling on the past, which never does anyone any good.  And then she works her way into the present and how I'm still not finding contentment in my life.  Everything feels so temporary.  I don't feel like things are permanent, like my job, where I live, or what I'm doing with my life.

On the outside I show my complete independence and how being alone with Lil Man is all I'll ever need, but on the inside, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm lonely.  For the first time in my life I am alone.  I am without a companion that is an equal to all the decisions and responsibilities of day to day life.  Beyond that I am without someone to share a bowl of popcorn with on the couch, I am without someone to snuggle with when my feet are cold, I am without someone to argue with over the TV channels for Pete's sake!  I know I need more time and that I should take advantage of my situation and make absolutely certain that I build the best life that I'm capable of for my son.  In order to do this I cannot be friends with Melancholy.  She just doesn't fit into that picture with Lil Man.  And I'm not fooling him... as much as I sometimes hope I am.  Lil Man is the most perceptive person to my moods and my actions.  He absorbs it all like a little sponge........ I miss him terribly tonight.

So, another week must begin and I must go to battle head, not heart, first!  But that doesn't begin for 9 more hours, so on the couch I will be with a sappy, almost corny, romantic novel and some chocolate.

    

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Emotions in Life

Dear My Italian,

Oh how I've missed you... let me count the ways
What a long four months without seeing your face
I have so much to tell you, and so much share
But I can't get them out, it's almost too much to bear

I wish things were different, but I don't know how
My heart aches to be near you right this minute, right now
Maybe one day I will find everything I've been looking for
I hope the same for you, even if it's not me on the other side of that door

Please know that what I say is sincere
I know that the day will come when we will be near
Until then, a kiss to savor
Time will be the only one to answer

Monday, July 11, 2011

Date Life

My favorite restaurant in the city that I live in is Fuji Steakhouse.  I absolutely love watching my food prepared in front of me and the way they get the fried rice absolutely perfect!  My Lil Man has only been there a handful of times with me or my family and I was sure that he didn't really remember what it was all about so I decided that I would take him, just the two of us, and really hype up the occasion to see if he enjoyed the food and the show.

The chef just started with lighting the grill on fire and twirling his tools around.
 First comes all the veggies because they take the longest to cook.  Lil Man isn't too excited about this part because vegetables are not his favorite food, but it is still mesmerizing to watch our chef prepare everything.


 Next is all the scrambled eggs that will be mixed into the rice.  Lil Man gets really excited about this because scrambled eggs is one of his most favorite foods.  We cook scrambled eggs A LOT in our house because this is the one and only thing that I allow him to cook almost all by himself.  He cracks the eggs, pours them in the skillet, and then stirs them all on his own. 


Now for Mommy's favorite part... the shrimp!  My usual Fuji meal is the Hibachi Shrimp and occasionally I will splurge and get the fillet and shrimp.  Others around our grill ordered scallops, chicken, steak, and lobster as you can see it all beginning to cook on the grill.  


The best part of the whole evening out was watching him teach himself how to use the children's chopsticks our waiter gave him.  They are tied together at the top with a rubber band so they are easier to use.  After only a few tries he had it mastered!


He is soooooo much better with chopsticks than I am!!!!!!!!!


What a delicious meal with my favorite person in the whole world!  Lil Man is officially a Fuji freak like me and has asked to go back more than once.  We had an great time out on our lil date! :) 

I'm getting hungry just looking at the picture!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Revelation in Life (#1)

 
You all have heard me say on here before that being a single woman is a learning process for me. I've talked about some things I've encountered so far in my "single woman" journey and how I think and feel about them. Well, this past weekend my younger sister and I came to a small revelation that I think deems importance enough to post publicly on my blog because, who knows, it may reach someone out there in blogging world and totally change their perspective on relationships for the better as it has mine.

Since my divorce I have not been in what I consider a "serious relationship". I have casually dated and for about 5 months I was a little more involved but it was very long distant and ended because I finally realized it was not true love on my part. But in all these situations I knew what I was looking for. I am very confident in my imaginary "perfect companion". After everything I have experienced and learned I just know what will ultimately work with me for the rest of my life. Now, the hard part is finding this in a real, live, breathing, human man. Pause: I know what all of you may be thinking right now. "This girl's living in a fantasy if she thinks Prince Charming is going to show up one day and he just magically be the exact image she's conjured up in her head. That never happens to anyone!"

You are absolutely right! As completely aware of what I want in a lifelong partner, I am also just as aware of the fact that I will not get EXACTLY what I'm looking for. Love is a constant compromise, right from the moment you lay eyes on each other you are already compromising in your head like... "WOW, he's super cute and has the most perfect eyes and nose! Oh my gosh, look at that great hair. I definitely have to talk to this man before he gets away. Ooops, he's coming this way, don't stare!" And then this remarkably good-looking guy comes up to you and you realize, standing face to face with him, that he's about two and a half inches shorter than you even though he's got all the good looks to make up for that. So... what do we do? We compromise to ourselves that we could potentially live with a partner that is so much shorter than us because he's so handsome and turns out sooo charming.

This is just the beginning! We don't even know his full name yet and we have already compromised on something. I am also very aware that no one, including myself, is perfect. I'm only searching for someone who comes close. Is that too much to ask for? I certainly hope not because the reason for my divorce was loss of love and I don't ever want to have to endure or put someone else through that again.

Now, back to this revelation... We started out by looking back in time to like the 50's when women were primarily stay-at-home mothers and men were the money makers. The divorce rate was something like 10 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. Women, at the time, needed men to be the leaders, to be the stronger ones and they needed to be loved and cherished. That sounds so easy for men, #1. Make enough money to pay the bills, #2. Be the stronger emotional person, #3. Love and cherish your woman. Now fast forward to the 80's when life in general had taken its turn through the feminist movement and women were taught to be more independent and self sufficient. We supposedly needed men like fish needed bicycles. The divorce rate in 1985 was approximately 22 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. That is more than double. All because women gained a little independence and no longer needed men to make all the money. We could do all that on our own. And maybe because of the change in economic status we no longer required men to be the emotionally stronger ones. We could handle things all on our own, but as females, we still needed to be loved and cherished.

Finally to the years in the beginning of the new millennium the divorce rate has doubled once again and is estimated to be like 41 out of every 100 marriages will end in divorce. My revelation is that being loved and cherished isn't enough anymore. Women now need to be inspired by their men!  We want and need that daily adventure in a life with someone.  Who cares about the money, or the emotional rollar coaster, or how much cherishing is going on, we need to be madly and deeply loved and uplifted beyond all measures by the man we choose if we are going to make it work a lifetime.  All I have to say to all the men out there is "Good luck! It seems that your job description as lifelong partners to us women may have gotten a little more challenging!"

Please remember that everything in this post is 100% my opinion... nothing more.


Friday, July 1, 2011

Real Life (#1)

There have been some things happen to me throughout the past year that stick out in my mind as being real things.  Before I start describing these things let me define “real” as it means and feels to me, that way we are all on the same page.  Something that is real is something that can never be changed by society or altered by any one person specifically.  It is what it is and how it is, and that is genuine.  Someone that is real is a person that has very grounded ideas and opinions on everything and is not affected or changed by the outward society.  They coexist very peacefully but stand for what they believe.  They  would gladly share this with anyone who asked but they do not force it upon others. 

On December 9, 2010, right in the middle of our divorce, my ex husband and I lost our home and all its contents in a devastating house fire.  Thankfully no one was home and therefore no one was hurt but the volunteer fire department, we lived outside city limits, were able to do nothing but contain it and so it was a total loss.  I had been moved out of the house for about 6 weeks at the time and so I didn’t lose any of my clothes or books, but everything else was lost.  When we went back the next morning it looked like a bomb had been dropped on our house.  Nothing stood except partials to the two end walls of the house and everything inside had sunk into the earth making it look something like a crater.  Our home was not on a concrete foundation but on wood floors so once they burnt everything fell through.  I just cried and cried and cried and kept thinking over and over that all of our memories as a family were gone now and all my baby’s toys and belongings were gone.  As soon as the divorce was final we were planning to split everything that we could so Lil Man could have some things in my new house and keep some things in Daddy’s house and that way the transition wouldn’t be so hard for him.  Now, we had nothing left. 
View of the house from the front yard.
The things that people, complete strangers, do for you when you are in a crisis is absolutely remarkable!  People we didn’t even know were sending money and clothes and household supplies so my ex and his children could get themselves set up in a rent house quickly.  Even though we were right in the middle of our divorce I helped in every way that I could.  It was a very difficult thing to have to go through at a very difficult time in our life.  It was so surreal!  Divorcing wasn’t awful enough…. Now we have to go through losing every bit of our personal possessions and our home in a fire??  I believe that things happen for a reason and not just by chance, but to this day I still can’t figure out why those things had to happen at the same time like they did.  (I’ll be sure to write that one down so I can ask the Big Guy when I get to Heaven because I really want to know.) Somehow we persevered and our insurance took good care of everything for us. 
View of the house from the front yard during the fire.
About a week after the fire we were still getting so many things from people as donations that it was taking me and my ex to go through everything and figure out which child it would fit and if it was winter appropriate or not when we came across a bag of things sent from a woman and her son.  The story told to us when it was given by a friend of a friend was that this woman heard our story and she told her 3 year old little boy about my 3 year old, Lil Man, and he willingly went to his closet and started picking things to be sent to “the little boy whose house is on fire”.  In total we were given a small bag of clothes and 1 pair of little black and green New Balance tennis shoes.  You could tell they were well worn but from the minute we gave Lil Man those shoes and told him where they came from, he was completely attached  and told anyone who would listen…. “My got these shoes from another little boy who helped us when our house was on fire!”
View of the house from the front yard the morning after the fire.
View of the house from the front yard a little closer.  The tall thing standing on the left side of the picture is the refrigerator.
Just this morning I was waking Lil Man up to get him dressed for school and he was refusing  so I was pulling off his pajamas and putting on his clothes while he was still half asleep and when I grabbed the New Balance tennis shoes to put them on his feet I noticed how completely worn and smooth they are on the bottom.  If they were tires on your car you would slip and slide completely off the road every time it so much as even sprinkled. J  I sat still and thought to myself about the little boy who gave these just because he wanted to help and how my Lil Man has been so attached to them since just because some little boy wanted to help him and I realized that this story needed to be told because it is REAL.