Hitting the Ditch in Life

The journey of life is so full of twists and turns that it is so hard for me to always stay balanced.  Throughout this past year I have slowly managed to get my life to a point where I’m thoroughly enjoying every day.  I don’t really remember feeling this way in the last 5-6 years.  That makes me sad because the last 5-6 years have contained some of the biggest and most important moments of my life so far, but I don’t really look at those years as being the best or the happiest in my adult life.  I believe that those are yet to come.  But if there’s one thing I can say about this past year, it’s that I have found a place, even if it’s temporary, to be happy in and content. 

Of course, just when I think it couldn’t get any smoother life rears up and shows me that beyond the current curve in my road lies the biggest pot hole!  Instead of straddling it and just being able to go right over the top, I have to veer off the road for a moment and hit the ditch.  I got some news last week that has devastated me to my core.  It’s also confused me because I’m a little baffled that my reaction was so strong.  Beyond my control, I am feeling very angry, very worried, and very unsettled.  I feel like this problem is undeserved in mine and my son’s world and I wish I could erase it.  I’m almost at a loss for words.  I’ve thought on this for several days now and with neither and answer nor peace I am just going to continue thinking. 

In all reality I guess the problem really doesn’t affect me; it affects my son.  That alone is enough justification for my feelings, but on the flip side,  I care about the person who has done this to us.  I wish it would have never happened, but now that it has I need a little help dealing with it.  Everyone’s thoughts and prayers are more than appreciated right now… they are needed.   

P.S.
As promised, a very long post with LOTS of pictures will be up one day this week announcing my sister's engagement.  This past weekend, with my sister and her fiance, was a wonderful one... Only slightly tainted by the personal turmoil I am dealing with.  I can hardly wait to share everything!!

Pumpkin Patch on a Tuesday Life

I'm still playing around, at every available moment, with my new camera.  At the pumpkin patch with my son on Tuesday they had all of their large pumpkins lined up along hay and a fence with little pumpkins and gourds in front of them.  It looked so pretty and so I took some shots of them.   

A little different look due to my editing skills. :)

Out of the entire field of pumpkins my Lil Man walks up to the first one in the row and grabs it.  He didn't even want to look at any others. 

After our picnic lunch the sun came out and I got some really good shots of him playing in a water trough. 

Of course... dirty hands were hilarious to him.

Absolutely the most handsome Lil Man in the entire world!!!!



Our day at the pumpkin patch was a good one.  The morning started a little rough with Lil Man not being in the best of moods, but as the morning went on he cheered up and began playing and enjoying where we were.  I'll even admit that the farm where we went was pretty cool.  They had a hay ride, farm animals to look at, games set up to play, and a picnic area.  My favorite time of year + a place just for this time of year + a day off work with Lil Man = a great Tuesday!!  

Relationships in Life

As an adult, I am involved in many relationships.  Society labels the word “relationship” to a person in which romantic tendencies are possible.  But the truth is we are involved actively in relationships with numerous different people in numerous different ways.  Our parents, our siblings, our children, our co-workers, our friends, our employers, our neighbors, …. And the list goes on and on.  It’s so easy to forget this when you are alone.  Why is it easier to maintain relationships with all of these people then it is to maintain one with a significant other?  Isn’t this wrong in some way?  Isn’t this backwards?

This past year I have spent the majority of my time alone trying to re-focus my mind and my heart to accept the fact that I am not in a relationship and that I am alone.  It’s hard being alone and it takes a great deal of mental work to survive.  Being the only one to take care of the laundry, being the only one to pay the bills, being the only one to fix the toilet when it breaks… I could go on and on for the rest of the evening, especially about being the only parent, but I’m just preaching to the choir.  You have all heard me say these things repeatedly.  And I know so many of you out there are dealing with the same things.  Having someone to share all of these “alone” things with would be so much better.  It should be happier, it should be easier, but in my experiences… it wasn’t.  Is this solely because I chose the wrong person?  Is it because there is something wrong with me?  Or is there really one person out there that I can achieve this with and vice versa? 

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not feeling sorry for myself or regretting.  I’m simply speaking hypothetically, like… I don’t feel as though I’ll ever be able to make it work with one person.  This has all came to mind recently because….. my sister and her beau are engaged!!!! (I was going to wait until I had their engagement pictures to announce so I could show off how beautiful the ring is and how happy and wonderful this is, but I just can’t wait another week.  Congratulations to my sis and her fiancé!  Pictures and a full post with details will be coming right after Halloween.) 

So, my mind has just been going crazy with the thought that I could potentially be in this “alone” state for some time.  The biggest change I have seen in my sister these last two weeks since their engagement has been her mindset change.  She went from being so unsure and so lost (for lack of a better word) in her relationships to now being so complete.  The turnaround has just blown my mind and sort of made me question my ability to do the same.  It’s almost like I’m just not mentally mature enough to make that commitment to another person.  Maybe it’s because I’m too selfish or maybe it’s because I’m too scarred or maybe it’s because I’m just too unsure of myself to make that kind of long-term decision. 

I have several tattoos.  I got my first one the summer after I turned 18 and have pretty much gotten a new one or touched up an old one every couple of years since then.  I know it’s a little weird, but I like them.  All of mine are in places that cannot be seen if I’m wearing clothes, so I don’t manage a Chiropractic office looking like a tatted up freak! J  Anyway, I have had so many friends compliment the work that I have had done with my tattoos.  Everyone always says how beautiful they are and how they wish they could do something similar.  My reaction is always the same to them… “well, why haven’t you??”… and their answer is always the same… “I can’t decide what I want to be on my body for the rest of my life!”  So, the point in that story is how can I make a long-term decision like the artwork permanently tattooed on my body but not in a relationship?  This tells me I have some capability in making long-term decisions.  My mind does comprehend the severity of long-term decisions…. Just not when it comes to a relationship.              

Friends and Family for Life

Snickerdoodle cookie dough balls about to be cooked.  My mouth is watering just looking at this picture and I got to actually eat the cookies when they were done. :)

Some more cookie dough that is about to be cooked.  This batch was oatmeal chocolate chip.

They cooked absolutely perfect!

My friend was making these for her upstairs neighbor and me and my son just so happen to be visiting that night so we helped bake.  We also got to help eat them!  Yummy :)

Playtime in the living room floor!  Boys will be boys, and having an adult boy to join in on the fun was the highlight of these two little boys' night. 

This is one of my very good friends and my Lil Man absolutely adores him.  They always play when we get together. 

These are some pictures from the past week and a half that I thought I would share.  I'm working on a post that is less pictures and more information about life right now.  To be perfectly honest there hasn't been a whole lot going on in my life except work and a new development with my little sister but I'm waiting to share all about that until I get some pictures of the "new development".  I'm making a trip down to Hot Springs for Halloween weekend and will be getting lots of good shots then. 
So, I'll be sharing more soon! 



October Life

My favorite month of the year has arrived!!!!  And boy oh boy has it been a beautiful one so far!

My weekend was spent outdoors with my Lil Man.  He was with me all weekend because his father was out of town and we made the most of it.  Saturday we drove to a festival that was raising money for the Special Olympics.  They had everything from live music to face painting to pony rides to a chicken wing eating contest.  It was so much fun and I got some really good pictures!

I actually didn't think that he was going to sit there and let someone paint his face, but to my surprise he did and spent the rest of the day talking about the sun on his cheek.  He really liked it!

My good friend and her little girl went with us.  The day was so much better with our good friends there!

This is a child's dream.... and a parent's nightmare!  Especially when the big kids start getting in.  I was genuinely happy when we were leaving because no one got hurt in the "jumpy things".

My favorite picture of the whole day!

And just like clock work... the snooze during the drive home. :)