Allow me to introduce the newest member of our little family… Elsa.
I have been contemplating getting a puppy for quite some time, but I lived in an apartment where pets are not allowed and then I’ve just been too busy with the move and the remodel that I haven’t taken the time to really search one out. Well, our little goldfish died about a week ago and so I decided to make a quick stop by the pet store to see what they had. We found two goldfish that we just had to have but I got a little side-tracked by the puppies for sale. Of course, I found one that I thought was the most adorable and I kind of got the feeling that I wanted her. She was a registered Daschund about 8 weeks old and her price was $299. I told Lil Man that we would have to think about it because that was a little too much money for Mommy to spend right now.
I got all the way to my driveway and was talking to my boyfriend about how I thought we were ready for a little addition but I really wanted to adopt because I just can’t bear to spend that money when so many are neglected and forgotten in the animal shelter. So, with his persuasion I pulled back out of my driveway and drove to the pound. The minute we stepped inside my heart just ached. Filled with so many cats and dogs the place was extremely full. We were directed to where the dogs were and after about 10 minutes I came to her pen. She was the only one I had seen so far that was not barking and going crazy while I walked by. She just calmly peered up at me and perked her ears. I started asking a lot of questions because she is an American Pitbull/Lab mix and I needed lots of information in order to make a decision on this. I mean I have a little boy that will be living with this dog so of course I needed to know as much as possible about her background. When the young man helping me got to the part about how they were going to have to put her to sleep within the next few days because of what she is. I knew deep down I wasn’t leaving there without her.
I understand people’s fears where Pitbulls are concerned but when they are not mistreated they are not aggressive. Plus, this little baby girl is a mixture between pit and lab so she is very playful and sweet in her personality. She’s also very shy. At 12 weeks old she will be raised from this point on, in our home with kids. I have no doubts that she will be a wonderful family pet and I’m excited to have her.
My boyfriend is really the one who wanted a dog. He’s traveling now for work and living out of a camper. He needs a companion to be on the road with him so Elsa will eventually be that for him. She’ll be home with me now at the beginning until he comes home again and then if it works out she will be able to go and travel with him. Even though we are not married yet, this dog is our dog, and we will share her back and forth since his job keeps him away from home.
Now, on to a few other things…
I haven’t written about marriage again since I first announced that we had been talking about it because he hasn’t actually proposed yet. I’m not one to jump the gun, but he is away from home at the time being and it looks as if that’s going to be the schedule for the remainder of this year. We have both agreed this is what we want and we have both agreed that eloping is going to be the best way to do it. So, with all of that said, this is everyone’s fair warning that there may be a week he gets to come home unexpectedly and we might decide to just go down to the courthouse and do it! There’s just no planning these things around a pipeliner’s work schedule so I’m not even going to try. We have the blessing of our parents and loved ones and that’s the most important thing.
I’ve really done some praying and thinking throughout this summer where this relationship is concerned. It is so easy to get caught up in our worldly lusts and desires and forget to seek God in the decisions that we make. I’ve worried for a long time over if my first marriage was the result in my hasty decision making without taking the time to be still and listen to what God willed for my life. I’ll never have that answer but in my thinking about it, I’ve tried to be consciously aware and seek to be directed in all decisions from now on. Getting involved with another man after my divorce was really scary. I was extremely cautious because of Lil Man. I didn’t want him to be exposed to anything that would confuse him and make him feel insecure. And I guess because of that I didn’t really date before my boyfriend came in the picture. I remember going out a handful of times but it was always on a night when Lil Man was with his father so he didn’t see it or anyone that Mommy was going with.
Then August rolled around and my boyfriend, who was actually my high school sweetheart, found me through knowing my little sister and decided to ask me out to lunch. We had lots to catch up on and it stills makes me smile to think about how everything came about. We both live in the same town, and have for the past several years, why didn't we ever bump into each other? Why was it only after I was divorced that he decided to try and contact me? He knew I was married but we were always friends. So many variables, and because he waited so long, or maybe because it had been almost a year post divorce... everything just fell into place. He was so patient with me. Would I have been that patient if the situation had been reversed? Everything combined makes it very hard to doubt that it was meant to happen. That we were given this second chance for a reason. I've been absolutely the happiest this past year and I'm hoping for many many more happy years to come with him. Is this how you know it's for real... forever? Does anyone ever really know?
We have a joke between us, or rather... I joke, about me choosing him not as my "husband" or "spouse" but as my "tolerance partner" (and he hates this!) because throughout all this time alone and thinking and praying I've come to the conclusion that love is not what it's all about. I do think that there has to be attraction, and there has to be desire. But I know now from personal experience that love is not going to be present all day everyday. It's going to come and go. And sometimes when it's gone it may stay gone for a few weeks or months even. So why dwell on that in a negative way and why let it take over your mind? I say look at it from a logical way from the very beginning of what your actually doing each and every day with this man/woman that you're living with and possibly sharing children with... they are the person you are choosing to tolerate everyday to the best of your ability. They are the ones that you promised to cherish and respect and, yes, love everyday. But we are human and far from perfect. Sometimes the love part is just impossible to find on certain days. In my experience I couldn't get over that. I let it consume me to the point of depression and a whole mess of other things that I've had to overcome. I'm simply using this term (tolerance partner) as a means to keep my mind and heart focused on the right path to what's actually going to be taking place at this certain time. And even though you may not agree with my choice of words or angle at which I'm choosing to approach this issue, there is truth in the fact that marriage is work. A WHOLE LOT OF WORK! And it's not something to be taken lightly. So, after all that, I love my boyfriend... I'm in love with my boyfriend. I don't doubt this, but one day maybe 10 years from now when I wake up and don't necessarily feel this love and I'm a little annoyed with him over something, I'm still going to cook him breakfast and pick up his dirty laundry and text him an "I love you" on his lunch break just because I will have vowed to be married to him. And even though my heart won't feel like being sweet and nice I'm going to be anyway because I will have chosen him over all the millions of other men out there to be the one that I put up with or "tolerate" on those bad days for the rest of my life. Just like he will have done the same. I don't really know why but it gives me more confidence in myself to look at it this way.
My little sister's wedding is just around the corner. We've now been planning and preparing for almost a year and we are 8 weeks out. I'm absolutely so excited I can barely contain it. This wedding is going to be, by far, the nicest and most traditional wedding I've ever been to or been involved in. We still have a lot to get done, but I know the outcome will be so very worth our hard work, and my parent's money. ;) Maybe that's why marriage has been on my mind here recently because of all the preparation for my sister's.
I may have already put this on my blog at some point but I'm going to again because it helps me so much.
"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances" ~Benjamin Franklin~
