Relationships in Life

As an adult, I am involved in many relationships.  Society labels the word “relationship” to a person in which romantic tendencies are possible.  But the truth is we are involved actively in relationships with numerous different people in numerous different ways.  Our parents, our siblings, our children, our co-workers, our friends, our employers, our neighbors, …. And the list goes on and on.  It’s so easy to forget this when you are alone.  Why is it easier to maintain relationships with all of these people then it is to maintain one with a significant other?  Isn’t this wrong in some way?  Isn’t this backwards?

This past year I have spent the majority of my time alone trying to re-focus my mind and my heart to accept the fact that I am not in a relationship and that I am alone.  It’s hard being alone and it takes a great deal of mental work to survive.  Being the only one to take care of the laundry, being the only one to pay the bills, being the only one to fix the toilet when it breaks… I could go on and on for the rest of the evening, especially about being the only parent, but I’m just preaching to the choir.  You have all heard me say these things repeatedly.  And I know so many of you out there are dealing with the same things.  Having someone to share all of these “alone” things with would be so much better.  It should be happier, it should be easier, but in my experiences… it wasn’t.  Is this solely because I chose the wrong person?  Is it because there is something wrong with me?  Or is there really one person out there that I can achieve this with and vice versa? 

Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not feeling sorry for myself or regretting.  I’m simply speaking hypothetically, like… I don’t feel as though I’ll ever be able to make it work with one person.  This has all came to mind recently because….. my sister and her beau are engaged!!!! (I was going to wait until I had their engagement pictures to announce so I could show off how beautiful the ring is and how happy and wonderful this is, but I just can’t wait another week.  Congratulations to my sis and her fiancé!  Pictures and a full post with details will be coming right after Halloween.) 

So, my mind has just been going crazy with the thought that I could potentially be in this “alone” state for some time.  The biggest change I have seen in my sister these last two weeks since their engagement has been her mindset change.  She went from being so unsure and so lost (for lack of a better word) in her relationships to now being so complete.  The turnaround has just blown my mind and sort of made me question my ability to do the same.  It’s almost like I’m just not mentally mature enough to make that commitment to another person.  Maybe it’s because I’m too selfish or maybe it’s because I’m too scarred or maybe it’s because I’m just too unsure of myself to make that kind of long-term decision. 

I have several tattoos.  I got my first one the summer after I turned 18 and have pretty much gotten a new one or touched up an old one every couple of years since then.  I know it’s a little weird, but I like them.  All of mine are in places that cannot be seen if I’m wearing clothes, so I don’t manage a Chiropractic office looking like a tatted up freak! J  Anyway, I have had so many friends compliment the work that I have had done with my tattoos.  Everyone always says how beautiful they are and how they wish they could do something similar.  My reaction is always the same to them… “well, why haven’t you??”… and their answer is always the same… “I can’t decide what I want to be on my body for the rest of my life!”  So, the point in that story is how can I make a long-term decision like the artwork permanently tattooed on my body but not in a relationship?  This tells me I have some capability in making long-term decisions.  My mind does comprehend the severity of long-term decisions…. Just not when it comes to a relationship.