You all have heard me say on here before that being a single woman is a learning process for me. I've talked about some things I've encountered so far in my "single woman" journey and how I think and feel about them. Well, this past weekend my younger sister and I came to a small revelation that I think deems importance enough to post publicly on my blog because, who knows, it may reach someone out there in blogging world and totally change their perspective on relationships for the better as it has mine.
Since my divorce I have not been in what I consider a "serious relationship". I have casually dated and for about 5 months I was a little more involved but it was very long distant and ended because I finally realized it was not true love on my part. But in all these situations I knew what I was looking for. I am very confident in my imaginary "perfect companion". After everything I have experienced and learned I just know what will ultimately work with me for the rest of my life. Now, the hard part is finding this in a real, live, breathing, human man. Pause: I know what all of you may be thinking right now. "This girl's living in a fantasy if she thinks Prince Charming is going to show up one day and he just magically be the exact image she's conjured up in her head. That never happens to anyone!"
You are absolutely right! As completely aware of what I want in a lifelong partner, I am also just as aware of the fact that I will not get EXACTLY what I'm looking for. Love is a constant compromise, right from the moment you lay eyes on each other you are already compromising in your head like... "WOW, he's super cute and has the most perfect eyes and nose! Oh my gosh, look at that great hair. I definitely have to talk to this man before he gets away. Ooops, he's coming this way, don't stare!" And then this remarkably good-looking guy comes up to you and you realize, standing face to face with him, that he's about two and a half inches shorter than you even though he's got all the good looks to make up for that. So... what do we do? We compromise to ourselves that we could potentially live with a partner that is so much shorter than us because he's so handsome and turns out sooo charming.
This is just the beginning! We don't even know his full name yet and we have already compromised on something. I am also very aware that no one, including myself, is perfect. I'm only searching for someone who comes close. Is that too much to ask for? I certainly hope not because the reason for my divorce was loss of love and I don't ever want to have to endure or put someone else through that again.
Now, back to this revelation... We started out by looking back in time to like the 50's when women were primarily stay-at-home mothers and men were the money makers. The divorce rate was something like 10 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. Women, at the time, needed men to be the leaders, to be the stronger ones and they needed to be loved and cherished. That sounds so easy for men, #1. Make enough money to pay the bills, #2. Be the stronger emotional person, #3. Love and cherish your woman. Now fast forward to the 80's when life in general had taken its turn through the feminist movement and women were taught to be more independent and self sufficient. We supposedly needed men like fish needed bicycles. The divorce rate in 1985 was approximately 22 out of every 100 marriages ended in divorce. That is more than double. All because women gained a little independence and no longer needed men to make all the money. We could do all that on our own. And maybe because of the change in economic status we no longer required men to be the emotionally stronger ones. We could handle things all on our own, but as females, we still needed to be loved and cherished.
Finally to the years in the beginning of the new millennium the divorce rate has doubled once again and is estimated to be like 41 out of every 100 marriages will end in divorce. My revelation is that being loved and cherished isn't enough anymore. Women now need to be inspired by their men! We want and need that daily adventure in a life with someone. Who cares about the money, or the emotional rollar coaster, or how much cherishing is going on, we need to be madly and deeply loved and uplifted beyond all measures by the man we choose if we are going to make it work a lifetime. All I have to say to all the men out there is "Good luck! It seems that your job description as lifelong partners to us women may have gotten a little more challenging!"
Please remember that everything in this post is 100% my opinion... nothing more.
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