Reacquainted Life

Wow... what a week and what a weekend!  I'm sad to say that tomorrow morning is Monday and work must resume, but I'm seriously needing to dive head first into something to occupy my mind and the only thing that seems to be over 8 ft. deep, and safe for diving, is work. 

Unfortunately, an old friend by the name of Melancholy has gotten back in touch over the last two weeks and it's been really hard to shake this time.  I spent so many years with this friend and all the feelings and thoughts that she brings with her.  At first sight of her I'm taken back in time and spend a couple days dwelling on the past, which never does anyone any good.  And then she works her way into the present and how I'm still not finding contentment in my life.  Everything feels so temporary.  I don't feel like things are permanent, like my job, where I live, or what I'm doing with my life.

On the outside I show my complete independence and how being alone with Lil Man is all I'll ever need, but on the inside, as much as I hate to admit it, I'm lonely.  For the first time in my life I am alone.  I am without a companion that is an equal to all the decisions and responsibilities of day to day life.  Beyond that I am without someone to share a bowl of popcorn with on the couch, I am without someone to snuggle with when my feet are cold, I am without someone to argue with over the TV channels for Pete's sake!  I know I need more time and that I should take advantage of my situation and make absolutely certain that I build the best life that I'm capable of for my son.  In order to do this I cannot be friends with Melancholy.  She just doesn't fit into that picture with Lil Man.  And I'm not fooling him... as much as I sometimes hope I am.  Lil Man is the most perceptive person to my moods and my actions.  He absorbs it all like a little sponge........ I miss him terribly tonight.

So, another week must begin and I must go to battle head, not heart, first!  But that doesn't begin for 9 more hours, so on the couch I will be with a sappy, almost corny, romantic novel and some chocolate.