Busy Life

So far in the month of August I have only written five posts, this one being the sixth.  Life has been a little on the busy side.  Changes at work, school starting, last minute vacations, family coming home... pheeeew!

At this moment I am sitting in the food court of a mall enjoying a slice of pizza and a coke while waiting for my younger sister to finish a seminar that she had to attend this weekend in order to renew her massage therapy license.  We are three and a half hours from our homes in the great city of Fort Smith, Arkansas.  I actually lived in Fort Smith for an entire year when I was 18.  I moved up here to attend the University of Arkansas-Fort Smith for my first year of college.  This weekend is the first time that I have been back to this historical city since that May when I moved home to be with my future husband and change my major.    Wow at the memories!  I actually really loved it here except that it was too far from my family.  My ex husband played a big part in that as well.  Young and irrevocably in love, I wanted nothing more than for that year to end so I could move back home and start planning our wedding.

If I were given the opportunity to go back in time and change something, I'm undecided whether I would or not.  I'm not a person with a lot of regrets.  I have a few but marrying my ex husband isn't one of them.  That feels strange to admit to myself but I truly don't regret it.  I knew I was in love in that moment and that I didn't want to continue my life unless he was in it.  But on the flip side I gave up on a few things that I wish now I hadn't.  I could definitely be making a lot more money as a dental hygienist then as a teacher, but because the dental school was too far away from my ex husband I changed my major to my second choice, education.  Maybe in the end all the regrets and the non-regrets sort of even out.  

I'm slowly getting a point in this new life of mine where I think I'm feeling happy.  This emotion is very strange for me because it has really been a long time since I genuinely felt it.  But I obviously need to work harder on projecting these new feelings outward because my mother pointed out to me last week, while she was home for a visit, that I seemed to be a little down in the dumps and that her and my father were really ready to start seeing me happy.  They apparently think that I'm having trouble finding the middle ground between really bubbly excited happiness and complete depression, I'm either one or the other.  Hearing that from her while eating lunch was a bit hurtful, but I know it comes from the truest form of love and I needed to hear it.  I've thought a lot about this and I know they are right but I don't know how to fix it, I don't know how to get myself to the middle and stay there.  My emotional state is so dramatic and fragile.  The wind blows and my feelings change!  This is not something I'm proud of.  I wish I knew a way to become a more emotionally stable person, but for now I'm just going to keep things as uncomplicated as possible and continue working towards finding the middle.

 I have a lot of fun pictures to share but I don't have the cord I need to hook my phone, where they are all saved, to this computer so that I can upload them.  I will try to do that tomorrow so the stories that go along with them are not "old news" to everyone.