Well, I am so happy to be writing that since my two
hypnotherapy sessions, I have lost a few pounds and am eating so much
healthier. I’ve still had a few cheat
moments but overall my extreme cravings are gone and I feel they are much more
manageable. I truly feel, even now, that
it’s a complete mind over matter issue with me.
And I’m the first to admit that my mind is my ultimate weakness. I struggle with that in many areas of my
life; not just with what I eat.
So, the past 6 weeks have left me feeling better about
myself and feeling better in general.
Summer has officially arrived and with it the fun summer
activities. The kiddos and I spent a day
on the lake a week ago with family and we rented a boat and had the best time
out on the water. Those days are my
favorite by far, and we are blessed to live in an area that supports outdoor
activities like that. We love swimming
and boating and fishing and that’s where the memories are made.
On the other hand it is quite strange for the year to be halfway
over almost and to think we are halfway to Christmas! I’m nowhere near ready for that time of the
year yet and it seems to be coming sooner than I can get ready.
WARNING: SENSITIVE SUBJECT!
I seem to have trouble writing and “admitting”, even to
myself, the problems that I’m having in life.
I honestly start my blog posts and sit here and rack my brain for all
the positive things I could talk about.
And I’m sorry to say but other than those few sentences above… I don’t
have a lot of positive to share. So,
here comes a little negative… specifically right now its money and financial
problems. I guess it’s hard to admit and
be open about it because there’s a bit of a feeling of failure that always
follows. And no one wants to admit or
come face to face with their failures.
It is no fun. But my problems are
plaguing my thoughts and daily worry and stress level because I’m so unsure if
I’m going to be able to get things paid off and there are now debt collectors
calling to set up payment plans. I’ve
let it go for these past 6 months and there’s a point at which they aren’t’
going to allow you to ignore it… you either pay or they are going to garnish my
wages! It’s that serious. I’ve talked with a few different companies
and they are really nice people just doing their jobs like I’m trying to do
mine but I just get sick at my stomach each time because I feel that I’ve just
failed in something that I really thought I had a good hold on. I’m a great manager. I’m awesome at keeping on top of
things. But when my spouse was
unemployed for 7 months straight I just let some things go because I couldn’t
upkeep the minimum payment and it was all I could do to keep utilities paid and
food in the house. It turned into
survival mode instead of paying off debt and getting ahead mode. So thankfully now he is back on the road
working and I’m slowly trying to pull us out of this slump but it’s going to be
a long uphill crawl. And it really
sucks!
Even more than just sucking because we are dishing out large
amounts of money each week to various debt collecting agencies, it has put a
big wedge between my husband and me. It’s
only natural when bad or unhappy things occur in your life to immediately point
the finger in the opposite direction then yourself looking for someone or
something to blame. And in a marriage
that is always in the direction of the other person. We both tried hard in our own ways to avoid
it and work through it together but some of those natural reactions and instincts
are just too strong to fight against and it’s left us both a little raw and
perturbed at each other. I can hear it
with every conversation about money or finances. I can feel it with every discussion about the
remainder of the summer and trying to travel to be together because there is no
extra money left to do that. And I’m
100% sure that if I’m hearing and feeling it every single time then the kids
are too at least a little bit. It makes
me sad more than anything because there is no immediate fix. Time and dedication to get it all paid off is
truly the only thing that will lift this burden from us. In the meantime I’m just praying daily for strength
and diligence and discipline to do what needs to be done and then the wisdom to
never let it happen again. I know deep
down that’s the only way even though my mind tries to say that’s not fair. But we got ourselves in it and now we have to
take the time to dig our way back out.
WHAT A BUMMER RIGHT!!!! I’m in a bummed mood after writing all that
but in a weird way feel slightly better too.
Maybe just because of thinking it all through is a little refreshing. My usual daily thoughts are like rapid fire
and sporadic all day long. Also completely
random so it’s like randomly being hit in gut and feeling crappy afterwards and
just about the time it subsides being hit again.
Man, life just gets you down sometimes with the hard times
but I have faith and I’m sticking to it!
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