Pages

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

The Mother in Life

Why do we feel the need to express ourselves in writing?  Why does the urge overtake us?  And why when I ignore it does it haunt my mind until I do? 


I guess most people would explain this away to being a creative soul and needing to express your inner self through this particular medium or maybe the need or desire to be heard but are unable to simply say needed things, so writing takes the place of.  I don't know.  But here I am... an embarrassing 1 year and eight months later.  Why I feel embarrassed I'm not sure, but I'm guessing it has something to do with the fact that this is not a secure or private place.  It is public and being so subjects me to a certain amount of judgment or criticism.  Why should I care about those thoughts... this is for me.  This is to help my inner self.  This is to be a relief for my incessant thoughts and worries.  This is mine.


When I was young I had several journals or diaries.  It seemed that my writing in them was always waning and flowing.  It was all the time or not at all.  So, I guess this is just how I am.  Sometimes I have something to say and other times I simply don't.  These past months I haven't.  Or at least not to the general public.  I've certainly talked a lot to God.  Trying to make sense of some things; wanting to forget others.  But the time has come and I'm in the mood for some writing.


So much has changed, and I'm not going to bore myself or any of you trying to play catch up or fill you in on all that has transpired.  What's on my mind is the here and now and so that is what's needing out of my head. 


As a mother, I want the absolute best for my Lil Man.  I daydream and imagine the greatest of all great things for him to have access to and to learn from or to get to do or to always eat at mealtimes... and so on and so on.  But the reality of this balancing act all mothers are more than likely doing every single day is that what we imagine and want for our child is probably the exact opposite of what our child wants!  HA and the joke is on us.  I was blessed with one of the most strong-willed and intelligent little boys (never said a mother) and I'm sure God just smiles down on me every day and gleams because it's a constant battle of the wills around my house.  We have the battle of taking a big boy shower verses a bath (which takes him triple the amount of time), and then we have the battle of what we will eat for breakfast that keeps us on time for work and school, and the battle of who will pick his clothes out and bring them to him... Me or him?  But the biggest and most frequent is always the battle of eating all the vegetables put on his plate at dinner time.  It never ceases to amaze me the most creative and intricately thought out ideas and excuses he comes up with as to why he shouldn't eat all of the veggies.  Or how his belly mysteriously ALWAYS starts hurting when he comes to that portion of his meal.  Wow, it's getting my heart beating faster just reliving this exhausting ordeal of me trying, with no avail, to convince him that he should and is going to eat them OR ELSE... and him just as strong-willed as I am, arguing back that he's not.  I know this is an age old problem and I know that every mother on the planet... and every mother that has ever lived on the planet battled the very same thing.  Which is actually making matters worse for me because in my mind that says... THERE IS NO MAGIC FIX TO THIS PROBLEM and all those commercials you see with a nice, beautiful family all gathered around a perfectly decorated and set table for dinner is fake and someone is having to pay those child actors insane amounts of money simply to get them to sit there and fake eat their veggies!  PHEWWW! 


So, I have come to the absolute best solution and I just know that this is going to help, possibly save, the group of young mothers who literally cringe at the thought of preparing dinner... here we go... are you ready... I have more or less raised my white flag and surrendered to the enemy and here's my great philosophical and logical reason why... I myself was a picky eater as a kid and I remember having issues with certain foods, veggies, and my mother didn't have to have a yelling, screaming, battle of the wills war with me every single night.  I went to my mother and asked what the heck did you ultimately do and how did you get us to turn out the way we are now, which isn't so bad ya know!  And she very wisely said back to me "You and your sister, after a few years, learned to like corn and green beans.  So, we ate A LOT of corn and green beans".  :)


I'm still currently trying to find my son's "corn" and "green beans" but very simply put I have stopped letting the food issue run our lives... ok, I'm still trying to not let it run our lives.  And my every day hope is that he will learn to like things on his own one day so I don't have to be such a food cop towards him all the time monitoring what he's eating. 


Until next time, God Bless!            

No comments:

Post a Comment