To All Who Over-Think/Worry/Fret in Life

I think that I have serious issues with contentment.  Of all the different stages of my life so far, my ability to be content has been the one common denominator with each stage that I struggle with. 

So, I’m completely aware that it’s obviously my problem and there’s no one to blame but myself.  I’d sure love to be able to say that it’s my exes fault, or that job I had one time, or the fact that I don’t have as much money saved as I feel comfortable with, but I’d be lying to myself.   With all that being said I still can’t seem to get a grip on it.  I know it’s me and I know what it is.  Why can’t I fix it… why does it feel so unattainable?

 I think about it constantly; I pray about it daily.  I desperately WANT to be content with my life and all the facets of it, or at least I tell myself that.  I feel that things would be a little easier if I could find contentment with all the different situations and all that encompasses them. 

And let me be clear, I’m talking about everything.  I don’t feel content with my career, I don’t feel content with my home, I don’t feel content with my landscaping, I don’t feel content with my marriage, I don’t feel content with a few aspects of my son’s upbringing, I don’t feel content with myself, I don’t feel content with my health,  just all kinds of stuff!  I’m sure a lot of people out there feel the same but I get so sick and tired of my endless worrying and constant strategizing on how I could change or improve.  Is there any such thing as true peace and contentment with one’s life???  

I don’t hear a lot of other people fretting about these same things, so it somewhat leads to believe that there may be and I just haven’t found it yet.  Some days are worse than others and some stages of life have been more difficult than others.  But the feeling sometimes gets sooo strong that it’s borderline anxiety.  Like I’m just sitting by waiting for something to happen that never does.  And I would label myself as a pretty ambitious gal.  I’ve always been a go-getter and so I SHOULD be able to achieve this…right?  That’s what I’m hearing in my mind and then when I’m unable to achieve it I get down on myself all over again. 

I know I’m an over thinker and an over planner and an over analyzer so it really shouldn’t surprise me I guess.  It just builds constantly and I get to the point I’m at now where I’m literally about to blow a gasket!!!!

It’s so frustrating that on top of keeping my inner feelings and thoughts in check, every single thing I watch or read or see from society tells me the exact opposite thing… That happiness is just around the corner and all I have to do to reach it is be myself and go to college and marry the love of my life and blah blah blah.  What they should be telling me through all the subliminal messages is that life is a freaking mess sometimes and if you’re not really on your toes sometimes it will knock you on your rear.   And once down on your rear, you’d better watch out for someone to run over you.  And that sure… there’s rainy days and sunny days but always carry an umbrella AND sunscreen because either situation can get to you. 

I laugh with my mom and sister about how fake everything seems to be these days from advertisements to books to movies, but it also makes me kind of sad because my whole life I looked up to these things… they are such a part of our modern day lives that to not let them affect you… you would have to be a monk living in a third world country or something crazy like that.  It’s all so unavoidable if you live a halfway normal life.  So, unless you’re the next Mother Teresa or truly have the ability to take it all with a grain of salt and shake off what you don’t like or what might get to you, then you’re in the same boat as me and some days require a little extra ranting and glasses of wine than others!