Breaks of Life

My dearest readers,
I’m writing to apologize for my 6 month absence.  Something very difficult has happened in my life and I’ve been waiting in hopes I could build up the courage to write about it.  Unfortunately, it still hasn’t come.  And maybe I won’t ever be able to write about it; even though writing is the one thing I’ve used to help myself through situations like this in the past.  This is different.  As the months have passed me by and I’ve timidly stayed off my blog, I have been able to find God’s grace and new blessings that have come out of this time.  I’m still worried and battle every day the fear that things may never be as they once were, but I know my Lord has a plan, so for now I’m sticking to it the best I can!

My husband is back on the road again.  He's getting to spend the summer working in Michigan so it looks like the kids and I get to vacation to Michigan two summers in a row!  Having him home for 5 months was amazing.  I think God worked his work schedule out to accommodate our family through this difficult time and I'm so thankful for that.  Life together (married) so far, 8 months in to be exact, is going wonderfully!  The kids have adjusted so well to living together and all that comes with that.  I try to slow down as much as I can and really take it all in because they are already 5 and almost 8 and before I know it it’s going to be their high school graduation and they won’t be in our home any longer.  So, regardless of the outside world and all that it brings on us, we are going to work hard on building these children into what God has meant them to be.  It’s definitely hard without my husband home on a regular basis but it works for us and the days apart only make us feel closer to one another.  Strange as it sounds it’s so true!  

I want to say thank you to all of you who still get on and read my blog.  I thought with no recent posts the traffic would dwindle away but it has definitely warmed my heart the few times I’ve been on here, just to read the blogs that I follow, and seen a few hits throughout the weeks.  God Bless!

I hope to get back in the habit of posting at least once or twice a month.  Until then, here are a few pics to illustrate how our year has been so far…

We threw a surprise 50th birthday party for my Uncle on Feb. 23rd and this is the photo booth I set up to get funny pictures of all the guests that attended.  My sister and my Lil man. 

My husband and I

My sister and I

My sister and I again

Ok, we definitely had the most fun with it but who wouldn't! :)

My mother, father and Lil Man.

My Lil Man turned 5 the beginning of March.  We had an angry birds party with all our friends and family.

He's definitely growing up so fast.  I don't know why the 5th birthday seems like such a milestone but either way it was a great day and he's now very eagerly awaiting the start of kindergarten.   

One of my best friends and her wonderful fiancé officially tied the knot and I was so honored to help out by taking their pictures.  Congrats! 

For my mother-in-law we decided to surprise her with a picture of her 4 grandchildren all together for Mother's Day.  This afternoon was a lot of fun with my stepdaughter, my Lil Man, and their two cousins.   

This definitely would've been a cute pose but the sun was in their eyes and they thought it was hilarious.  Still very precious!

For the first time we decided to play t-ball this year!

He loves it!

My Lil Man's preschool graduation.  He's in the middle with khakis and a navy shirt on.

He looks so grown up!  I just can't believe it sometimes... he's such a blessing!

Well, that pretty much brings us to now.  2013, so far, has caught me off guard, made me cry, made me laugh, made me miss certain things, allowed me to enjoy new things, and overall been ok.  It's so easy to get down in the negative parts of life but to stay with only the positive may be some work but the rewards are worth it.  Thank you!

Holiday is Over and Another Year of Life

It's always so amazing to me that the year has come to an end.  I try to look back and reflect and take the time to be as prepared as I can for the year to come but I'm just not feeling that way this year.  I feel like 2012 was an enormous hurdle that took me a long time to get to and then took a lot of effort to get over.  I'm so happy with everything that has taken place and at the very same time I'm still exhausted from them.  We are all still working on getting life on track and schedule but it feels so good to be doing all of that and planning and preparing with the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with... my one true love.  I thank my Lord everyday for the year 2012 and I always will. 

Christmas turned out to be a truly spectacular event for my family but not for hundreds or thousands around us.  Winter storm Euclid gave my family in Arkansas an amazing evening that turned into a snow covered winterland by the next morning.  We all stayed at my parents house that night and waking up the next morning and running out to play in the 10-12 inches of snow was an absolute blast.  My son, just like at the beach this past summer, was literaaly just running and falling in it everywhere.  It looked as if he was trying to swim in the snow.  By 11:00 am or so we all finally went in to eat breakfast and then dressed back up to go right back out.  The storm set records for overall amount that accumulated as well as for coming on Christmas Day.  So many families were not as lucky as we were and I know that some are still without power.  My prayers go out to them as well as all  of our Entergy men and women working around the clock to fix it.

Me and my Lil Man making snowballs.

My sister enjoying her coffee out in the snow.

   

Our snowman in the making.

Papaw and my brother in law getting in on the action!

 

My sister and her husband putting on the finishing touches.

Finally.... Freddy, Frosty's brother, is complete!



Tada!!!!!

Ending this past year like this definitely puts a smile on my face and love in my heart.  Snow is always so special because it reminds me of my childhood up north and I love getting to do all these fun things with my son when it comes along down here in the south.  I couldn't ask for a better family or better people to be in my life at this moment.  All of the support and love that's been showered on us through everything that's happened this past year takes my breath away.  We are truly blessed.

Happy New Year!

Thankful for Life as Predicted

As predicted, life has most certainly slowed down a little bit.  The last 4 weeks of the year are my favorite at work because we go all out and decorate for Christmas.  The office is a beautiful building and a wonderful space regularly but exceptionally so during the holidays.  This is also the time of year that my family spends the most time together.  I love everyone traveling home to all pile into my parent’s 3 bedroom house.  We blow up air mattresses and bunk for a few days and nights together doing nothing but eating, drinking, and playing games or watching movies.  It’s simple but it’s our time and it’s my favorite. 

As far as Thanksgiving goes, we do not get together unless everyone just so happens to be home because it’s too much to take off from work for that holiday and then turn around and do the same thing for Christmas just a few weeks later.  I did, however, go over to my new in-laws house for lunch and get to visit and celebrate with them.  This year, the one thing that I’m the most thankful for is my happiness.  That may not sound like very much, but considering what life was like for me at one point in time I’m ever so thankful that I’ve been able to move on and recover from that part of myself.  I didn’t even realize that that was what I had lost but it was and having it back now is such a joy.  I’m a completely different mother, a different worker, a different significant other, and a different family member.  Life has its ups and downs and being a happy person gives me the ability to deal with both in a positive way.  My Lord promises never to let His will take me where His grace will not protect me and I’m thankful to have a testimony of that.       

Married life two months in couldn’t be any better.  Since my husband had to go back to work immediately after our wedding weekend we have waited and planned a little honeymoon for the week right before Christmas.  He will be home by then and we are going to take off to Puerto Rico for a week and lay on the beach.   I wanted to vacation somewhere warm and believe it or not Puerto Rico is one of the most beautiful islands and most reasonably priced in the Caribbean.  I’ve already started on my packing list I’m that anxious to get away with him! J  Our lives are a constant trip to here or there because he’s a pipeliner and always gone.  Unless it’s a time when he’s in between jobs we only get to see each other if I make a road trip to wherever he’s at.  Over so much time, with no break, that gets very hard, but for now I’m proud of how we’ve both handled it.  It’s never easy but we just reach a point where you accept it because it is what it is and spending time upset or angry about it does the situation no good.  I’m proud of the work he does and always look so forward to the time he’s at home. 

I feel like I’m never able to get on here and really write like I used to because of work and kids and pictures and now husband but in all honesty I don’t have anything else to write about.  Life is so good and that’s a good thing for us.  Holidays and being newly married is all for now…. I’m looking at that as a blessing that there’s nothing more to report on in life.

Until next time enjoy the holidays and all that comes with it.          

Nuptials in Life

Long time no talk!  Life has been so crazy.  I expected that after the wedding everything would calm down a bit but noooooo, I’ve been asked to do 3 different picture sessions in my free time so that has really taken up all that I was hoping to get done… posting to my blog being one of them. 

My sister’s wedding couldn’t have been more perfect.  Everything went completely as planned and even though the weather took a chilly turn on us the outside ceremony was still perfect.  Guests brought jackets and everyone was comfortable.  The entire weekend was a whirlwind because of how many organized things we had going on and the whole family was together.  That was my favorite part.  I’m upset that I don’t have many pictures but we are still waiting on everything from the photographer.  She has however posted a few as a little tease to us so I’ll show you those…

Timeless Treasures Photography

Timeless Treasures Photography

Hunting for the garter! 

A little scared ring bearer who needed some Auntie love before walking down the aisle.

First dance.

The most handsome little boy in the world! :)

Timeless Treasures Photography

Bride and bridesmaid

Timeless Treasures Photography

Here's a few pictures from their honeymoon!  The most beautiful couple ever and two of the most precious people in my life.  I love you both and couldn't be more happy and proud for both of you!
Truly a fairytale love that will most definitely last a lifetime!

 

Now, for the surprise…. Me and my wonderful man eloped three weeks ago!  Surprise, surprise, surprise!  We are so happy to be announcing this and are excited as ever to be officially husband and wife.  It does feel a little strange calling each other that and especially for me to be signing a different name, but it comes with a much anticipated happiness.  Here are a few pics that my sister was able to snap during our little ceremony.  We got everyone together at the condo we were all staying for a few hours and so we went ahead and said our vows with our children and all our family there to witness it.  Nothing fancy, nothing overly planned.  Just to the point and as meaningful and precious as my sister’s wedding was the very next day!  It all came down to eloping then when everyone was there with us and we had a preacher available so we could sort of customize what we wanted said… or… wait until his job finishes which could be Christmas and just go down to the court house to be married.  The first was what we truly wanted and so we rushed down to the court house to get a marriage license and grabbed some ‘substitute ring’ and away we went.  I couldn’t have asked for anything better or more suited for us. 
 

One of my favorite pics!  My most precious Lil Man watching over us say our vows... front and center!

Putting the rings on.

You may kiss the bride!

 

Pheeeew!  It's official!

 

 

Even though it was a little chilly outside we had to have everyone line up to blow bubbles on us as we "left".  We stayed there for the food everyone was enjoying but the kids thought this was the funnest part!  :)

Our little family... happily ever after!

Life will be slowing down soon… I’ve just got to get through the next two weeks which is more pictures and then a friend’s wedding.  This fall has just been wedding season for us and the people closest to us!  But I couldn’t be more thankful for the precious memories and blessings that we’ve all received these last few weeks. 

Funny words of wisdom from children:

“No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.”  Kirsten, age 10

"I think you're supposed to get shot with an arrow or something, but the rest of it isn't supposed to be so painful."  Manuel, age 8

"No one is sure why it happens, but I heard it has something to do with how you smell. That's why perfume and deodorant are so popular."  Mae, age 9

"The rules goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry her and have kids with her. It's the right thing to do." Howard, age 8

End of a Month/Beginning of Another Life

The end of another month is here.  I remember, as if it were just yesterday, telling my sister that the beginning of August feels like the end of summer to me because that is when school starts and that, to me, is the end of summer.  At that time, our conversation was taking place at the beginning of August and now like a day has sped by and it’s two days until the end of the month and a week to her wedding!!!  We’ve been planning this joyous event for an entire year and I just can’t believe it’s so close. 

I know there isn’t a soul out there that could even come close to really understanding what the past year of planning this wedding has really been like for us (except other brides and wedding planners).  The bride, me, and my mother have really felt it all and have been the three people doing everything, no hired wedding planner.  The bride has done 50%, if not more of it, completely on her own.  That may not sound like a lot to some, but when you factor in that she’s a full-time student and works two jobs outside of school… planning a wedding of this magnitude was a lot to handle and shuffle and organize and strategize over the months.  I’ve probably only been responsible for about 25% of it with my mother taking care of the other 25% and this past week has almost sent me into breakdown mode.  I only have 1 job to concentrate on and I’m at my limit where my mental capacity is concerned.  And beyond all of that, I’m so stinking excited and happy about it that I’m not in a bad mood.   I’m just anxious and feeling a little bit overwhelmed with all the tiny details that the three of us are still trying to put into place and make sure go accordingly. 

Through the midst of my anxious and overwhelmed feelings I am so thankful.  Its times like this that bring into my front view how truly blessed I am to have the family that I do.  We are all so close and there for one another.  This next weekend all of my immediate family will be staying in a huge condo together!  I think this is the first time we will all be under one roof for two nights since I was a child.  Now we have my son, the only grandchild for my parents, and future spouses thrown into this family of ours and all I think is how thankful I am to my Lord for the blessings we’ve all been given through each other.  Family is such an important part of life and in times like this when we all come together it rings even more so.  

My fiancé and I have discussed our many many options for saying our own vows and taking that step into marital bliss.  We want all our family to be standing around us to witness it, but do not want a wedding and do not want any sort of organized event.  It just takes too much time and money to plan and organize something like that.  After many conversations and lots of thinking, our options have come down to eloping either the weekend of my sister’s wedding, IN ONE WEEK, or having to wait until Christmas to elope when he’s home from this job.  I just couldn’t make that decision on my own.  He’s wanting it done and over with as soon as possible, I’m wanting all the family to be together for it, Christmas is just not the ideal time of year to do it because the holidays are so busy for us, blah blah blah, on and on and on we have went about this.  I finally decided to just lay it on my mother and sister for their opinions because the one major thing stopping me from doing it in a week would be taking attention or time away from the festivities around my sister and her fiancé.  I would never, could never, do that if that’s what it would do or she would feel that way.  The first words out of her mouth when I presented her with the idea and was asking for her most honest opinion were… “Oh my gosh YES!!!!!” she immediately thought that would be the greatest thing and give us one more thing to be celebrating that weekend.  So, I’ve just kind of stepped to the background and let my mother and my sister and my fiance’s mother make a few little decisions, like where and what time.  So, it has been officially announced that we are going to elope under a gazebo in a public park Saturday afternoon, after my sister’s wedding rehearsal.  There’s another wedding happening at her chosen venue that evening so we have no choice but to rehearse from 11-noon and then we have to vacate the premises and cannot return to do any preparation for her wedding until the next day at 3pm, so in all reality my family and the out of town guests that will all be there for the rehearsal are going to have nothing to do from noon until 3pm the next day.  We are just going to be eating good food and enjoying the company of everyone together.  My mom thought that would be the most perfect time for us to say our vows to one another and have a small 15 minute ceremony, if you will, since EVERYONE will be in town to share it with and support us. 

Phew…. I’m a little exhausted from writing all that down and my heart is overjoyed at the exact same time.  God is good, life is good, and after everything my family and I have been through this past year, experiencing something like this, all of us together, is going to be a wonderful thing.  It is definitely going to be a weekend full of memories and TWO joyous occasions to remember for the rest of our lives.

October is my second favorite month of the year, so I wish all of you a very happy and blessed October.  Pictures will be posted soon of all our family events!  I’m going to be married on October 6^th!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW J

Nothing New in Life

“What’s new?”

“What’s new?  What’s new with you?”

“Well, I’ll just tell you what’s new!”

There is absolutely not a whole lot of anything new in my world.  Does this make me lame?  I swear for the first time, in a very long time, I spent this past weekend completely alone… At home, minus the new puppy, Elsa, doing nothing except watching my favorite TV series, reading, a little laundry, and eating.  It felt good except for the eating part.  J  I’m going to be out of town for the next two weekends in a row so I thought I should definitely take advantage of my alone, calm time. 

The changing seasons always take me by surprise.  Like it’s been so unbelievably hot this summer and we have set some serious records with the drought that we are still having, but Sunday night I walked onto my back steps to let Elsa tinkle and I could smell it.  Fall is approaching.  It was only 68 degrees out and it felt so good, and I was genuinely shocked.  Like deep down I never expected to see fall again!  We went from last week getting up in the mid-nineties still to this week, staying down in the mid-eighties and cooling off to the sixties at night!  Whoa!! It’s such a shock and my puppy thinks so too.  Something came over her out there in 68 degree weather so I grabbed a stick and away she went.  By the time it was over we had played and raked leaves until almost dark…. Now THAT felt good! 

The strangest part about all this is that this year has been a little deceiving.  The leaves here have all been turning the beautiful colors of autumn and falling off the trees because it’s been so incredibly hot and dry.  To the eye, it’s looked the fall for about 6 weeks, but the minute you step outside you are suffocated with 111 degree heat!  So extreme!  I wonder what this is going to mean for our fall season and then winter.

My camera has been put up, resting, for the time being.  I’ve just been too busy and focused on other things, but the next two weekends out of town are going to picture taking weekends.   I’m working on a project for a Christmas present and then it’s my little sister’s bachelorette weekend away in Dallas and we’ll be taking lots of pictures there! 

8-29-12

________________________________________________________________________

I wrote the above post exactly a week ago and just never posted it!  I got too caught up in whatever I was doing and forgot to publish it.  So, on the contrary to my title up there, something new has happened.  My boyfriend's job ended in Montana and after a two day drive home we got to spend all of 30 minutes together before he had to leave to get back on the road for the next job.  I was desperately hoping for more time but the good news is he's only 6 hours away so I'll be going to him the next couple of weekends.  After our hugs and kisses of not seeing each other for almost 9 weeks he completely stopped me and, to my surprise, got down on one knee and officially proposed.  We've talked it over so many times that I guess I just assumed it was already a done deal but he knows how much I value the tradition behind certain things and wanted to make that happen for my sake.  I mean after all... I may have been the one to say we were going to be "tolerance partners" instead of spouses but all romantic gestures should not be forgotten!  Right??!!  Thank you Babe for that. 

On a more serious note, I have to admit that this feels weird but in a good way.  I honestly didn't think I would get to this point so fast, but I've prayed long and hard for direction and then strength to accept where that direction led me and when you know you love him... know deep down that you are in love with him... there comes that point where you have to chose to move forward or chose to move backward.  This girl has NO intention of ever moving backward again.  It was too heartbreaking and too destructive to myself the first time.  So, as scary as it may be it's a choice to be made and lived everyday.  I feel capable now, where as before I didn't and it feels real good!

New Puppy/Love Life

Allow me to introduce the newest member of our little family… Elsa.

I have been contemplating getting a puppy for quite some time, but I lived in an apartment where pets are not allowed and then I’ve just been too busy with the move and the remodel that I haven’t taken the time to really search one out.  Well, our little goldfish died about a week ago and so I decided to make a quick stop by the pet store to see what they had.  We found two goldfish that we just had to have but I got a little side-tracked by the puppies for sale.  Of course, I found one that I thought was the most adorable and I kind of got the feeling that I wanted her.  She was a registered Daschund about 8 weeks old and her price was $299.  I told Lil Man that we would have to think about it because that was a little too much money for Mommy to spend right now. 

I got all the way to my driveway and was talking to my boyfriend about how I thought we were ready for a little addition but I really wanted to adopt because I just can’t bear to spend that money when so many are neglected and forgotten in the animal shelter.  So, with his persuasion I pulled back out of my driveway and drove to the pound.  The minute we stepped inside my heart just ached.  Filled with so many cats and dogs the place was extremely full.  We were directed to where the dogs were and after about 10 minutes I came to her pen.  She was the only one I had seen so far that was not barking and going crazy while I walked by.  She just calmly peered up at me and perked her ears.  I started asking a lot of questions because she is an American Pitbull/Lab mix and I needed lots of information in order to make a decision on this.  I mean I have a little boy that will be living with this dog so of course I needed to know as much as possible about her background.  When the young man helping me got to the part about how they were going to have to put her to sleep within the next few days because of what she is.  I knew deep down I wasn’t leaving there without her. 

I understand people’s fears where Pitbulls are concerned but when they are not mistreated they are not aggressive.  Plus, this little baby girl is a mixture between pit and lab so she is very playful and sweet in her personality.  She’s also very shy.  At 12 weeks old she will be raised from this point on, in our home with kids.  I have no doubts that she will be a wonderful family pet and I’m excited to have her.  

My boyfriend is really the one who wanted a dog.  He’s traveling now for work and living out of a camper.  He needs a companion to be on the road with him so Elsa will eventually be that for him.  She’ll be home with me now at the beginning until he comes home again and then if it works out she will be able to go and travel with him.  Even though we are not married yet, this dog is our dog, and we will share her back and forth since his job keeps him away from home. 

Now, on to a few other things… 

I haven’t written about marriage again since I first announced that we had been talking about it because he hasn’t actually proposed yet.  I’m not one to jump the gun, but he is away from home at the time being and it looks as if that’s going to be the schedule for the remainder of this year.  We have both agreed this is what we want and we have both agreed that eloping is going to be the best way to do it.  So, with all of that said, this is everyone’s fair warning that there may be a week he gets to come home unexpectedly and we might decide to just go down to the courthouse and do it!  There’s just no planning these things around a pipeliner’s work schedule so I’m not even going to try.  We have the blessing of our parents and loved ones and that’s the most important thing.  

I’ve really done some praying and thinking throughout this summer where this relationship is concerned.  It is so easy to get caught up in our worldly lusts and desires and forget to seek God in the decisions that we make.  I’ve worried for a long time over if my first marriage was the result in my hasty decision making without taking the time to be still and listen to what God willed for my life.  I’ll never have that answer but in my thinking about it, I’ve tried to be consciously aware and seek to be directed in all decisions from now on.  Getting involved with another man after my divorce was really scary.  I was extremely cautious because of Lil Man.  I didn’t want him to be exposed to anything that would confuse him and make him feel insecure.  And I guess because of that I didn’t really date before my boyfriend came in the picture.  I remember going out a handful of times but it was always on a night when Lil Man was with his father so he didn’t see it or anyone that Mommy was going with.   

Then August rolled around and my boyfriend, who was actually my high school sweetheart, found me through knowing my little sister and decided to ask me out to lunch.  We had lots to catch up on and it stills makes me smile to think about how everything came about.  We both live in the same town, and have for the past several years, why didn't we ever bump into each other?  Why was it only after I was divorced that he decided to try and contact me?  He knew I was married but we were always friends.  So many variables, and because he waited so long, or maybe because it had been almost a year post divorce... everything just fell into place.  He was so patient with me.  Would I have been that patient if the situation had been reversed?  Everything combined makes it very hard to doubt that it was meant to happen.  That we were given this second chance for a reason.  I've been absolutely the happiest this past year and I'm hoping for many many more happy years to come with him.  Is this how you know it's for real... forever?  Does anyone ever really know?  

We have a joke between us, or rather... I joke, about me choosing him not as my "husband" or "spouse" but as my "tolerance partner" (and he hates this!) because throughout all this time alone and thinking and praying I've come to the conclusion that love is not what it's all about.  I do think that there has to be attraction, and there has to be desire.  But I know now from personal experience that love is not going to be present all day everyday.  It's going to come and go.  And sometimes when it's gone it may stay gone for a few weeks or months even.  So why dwell on that in a negative way and why let it take over your mind?  I say look at it from a logical way from the very beginning of what your actually doing each and every day with this man/woman that you're living with and possibly sharing children with... they are the person you are choosing to tolerate everyday to the best of your ability.  They are the ones that you promised to cherish and respect and, yes, love everyday.  But we are human and far from perfect.  Sometimes the love part is just impossible to find on certain days.  In my experience I couldn't get over that.  I let it consume me to the point of depression and a whole mess of other things that I've had to overcome.  I'm simply using this term (tolerance partner) as a means to keep my mind and heart focused on the right path to what's actually going to be taking place at this certain time.  And even though you may not agree with my choice of words or angle at which I'm choosing to approach this issue, there is truth in the fact that marriage is work.  A WHOLE LOT OF WORK!  And it's not something to be taken lightly.  So, after all that, I love my boyfriend... I'm in love with my boyfriend.  I don't doubt this, but one day maybe 10 years from now when I wake up and don't necessarily feel this love and I'm a little annoyed with him over something, I'm still going to cook him breakfast and pick up his dirty laundry and text him an "I love you" on his lunch break just because I will have vowed to be married to him.  And even though my heart won't feel like being sweet and nice I'm going to be anyway because I will have chosen him over all the millions of other men out there to be the one that I put up with or "tolerate" on those bad days for the rest of my life.  Just like he will have done the same.  I don't really know why but it gives me more confidence in myself to look at it this way.  

My little sister's wedding is just around the corner.  We've now been planning and preparing for almost a year and we are 8 weeks out.  I'm absolutely so excited I can barely contain it.  This wedding is going to be, by far, the nicest and most traditional wedding I've ever been to or been involved in.  We still have a lot to get done, but I know the outcome will be so very worth our hard work, and my parent's money.  ;)  Maybe that's why marriage has been on my mind here recently because of all the preparation for my sister's.

I may have already put this on my blog at some point but I'm going to again because it helps me so much.

"Happiness depends more on the inward disposition of mind than on outward circumstances"  ~Benjamin Franklin~